.

Anxiety attacks are not fun.
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you know.

It's like deja vu all over again.
That feeling in my gut that I can't ignore.
hmm.

Um.ok.

The Universe can be funny in many ways.

Last night, my soul was restless, my thoughts jumbled, so I prayed for clarity, patience, and peace within myself.

and I felt better.

I also asked the Universe to send me a sign that my situation with *him* is worth it, to get the answers I seek.

and boy did the Universe responded.

because when I saw *him* today...I realized...

He.shaved.his.beard.

*glass shatters*

This is a big deal...a.very.big.deal.

His beard added to the allure of him, made him extremely sexy to me.

I can't believe he would shave it.

Now?

I'm just not feeling it...or him without it.

Does that make me extremely shallow? Maybe.

But hey, maybe this was the answer I seeked.

We shall see

?

I don't want to give in

but what to do when the side that wants you to be alone

wont stop yelling, "YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE"

Heh.

Don't think for one second GG is out of the picture...because after the incredible sex we just had?

Yeah.......

I may be in "like" of someone, but that doesn't mean I've lost my damn mind.

Lawd hammercy...that man is incredible.

Cripes.
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Perfection...

Last night, in a word, was perfect.

It was everything a first date should be, we talked, we laughed and at the end of the night, we kissed.

It was perfect.

...

I did it.

I FINALLY had enough of us tip-toeing around each other when it was clear as day that we were interested in each other but too afraid to make the first step.

So I decided that I was going to make the first step.

I asked him out.

and he said yes.

We shall see....

and no...this has nothing to do with GG.

Joke.

him(while reading the numerology chart I did for him): "so my chart says that in this particular cycle, whether the relationship is personal, business or otherwise, it's an excellent time to get involved with some new, authoritative, or perhaps younger than yourself."
me: ok(distracted by my brand new nail polish /snark)
him: "so how old are you again? I forgot your age." (in my head: liar!)
me: 28
him: ok.

He's 34.

*rubs hands over face*

I know what needs to be done....just give me the courage to do so.

Confusion of the best kind....

Have you ever looked at someone and just....know?
No questions, no doubts, no fears, you just know?

I don't think I've ever felt this safe around anyone before.

That's all I can say right now.

Finding your voice...

When you think no one is listening....

I love my S girls, they're a group of amazing women who have made such an impact on my life. Their power, energy, and just pure awesomeness always astound me. Whenever we get together we always delve deeper into our history, our emotions, what we're feeling, things we're going through, things that have shaped us into the women we are today. We are each other support system and its like nothing I've ever experience.

Tonight we talked about finding our voice and certain life experiences that stilled our voice and it felt so good to finally be able to verbalize the shit I was going through with my parents. I was finally able to speak my frustration, my hurt, my anger, my annoyance without judgment, without being told that I'm over-reacting, without having my feelings dismissed.

We all come from different races(I'm the only black girl in our class), different class in life but we've at some point, walked the same path and we're able to share our feelings and experiences and find a common ground with each other. We shared a lot tonight, our hurts, our joys, we talked about the people we loved who helped silenced our voices and how we are slowly learning to find our voice when everyone wants us to be quiet and play along.

I didn't realized how much I love being on this journey with them.

They make my world a little brighter.
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