my world...

involves muscle relaxers

physical therapy

back pain

and more pain.

This sucks.

My lower back feels like someone is stabbing me with a hot knife.

....And I left my pills in my other bag.

Good going T.

Today.

An hour long MRI is NOT fun.

Neither are the anxiety attacks it caused.

Or the endless tears as well.

To say I'm a nervous, overwhelmed soul on the verge of insanity is the understatement of the year.

By the 30min mark I was trying to crawl out of my skin.

I'm still suffering the effects of being in there for that long.

I hope to god they find whatever is wrong with my neck and my back because heaven help me, I will lose my mind if I have to go through that shit again.

Update?

I've realized that making a few changes in my life has made a world of difference. I'm happier right now, more calmer, I'm more focused on me and my wants, so that definitely helps. It's funny, before the New Year, I did a numerology reading for the upcoming year and it said something about this year, 2011, being a loner year for me.

and you know what?

They're right.

I'm spending more time by myself and just enjoying the quietness. I've always been a loner(severe to some), but this year in particular, I have this incredibly intense need to be left alone. I have no desire to put forth an effort with anyone. I'm more grounded, more resilient, and generally speaking, more "me" centered.

It's been a long time coming.

So I'm happy with how things are going right now

Test