Goodbye My Love

Rest in Peace Coco Chanel Sephora
Mommy will miss you terribly.


June 10, 2005- August 6, 2013

It just got real.

Hola everyone!

It's been a crazy month for me, between a bout of bronchitis and finals, it's been one hell of an rollercoaster. I'm feeling much better now thankfully, and I'm sure I passed all my finals which is always a good thing. In other news, life is just moving along swimmingly, no complaints really. I changed my number, so that took care of my J problem. I had a lovely conversation with my doctor crush which was really nice. I'm thinking nothing of it because it was just a conversation, nothing earth shattering. I think I'm indifferent to men at the moment, I don't want to be bothered. 

I'm entering my last semester of school so I plan on focusing on that and using this time to review for my state exam. I can't wait to be done with school, geebus!

Till next time!

Happy New Years!

New Year. A new me.

It's finally 2013! I was NEVER so happy to see 2012 shown the door, that was a year of tremendous ups and downs, out with the old and in with the new. With that said, I woke up this morning, feeling down because I didn't go out for New Years, but I read something from Joel Osteen about today being a brand new day, a new start, to let go of the past and press forward into the new. That made me feel a million times better so much so, that I wrote it in my journal ever in case I need it to pick me up. This year, I plan on finishing school, graduating and passing my state exam. With God's will, I will start working as a licensed Radiologic Technologists at a great hospital with even better pay and hours.

In health news, I'm back on my yoyo dieting nonsense. I haven't worked out in 2 weeks and practically ate everything in sight. Well this year, no more bullshit. More water, more green veggies, more healthy eating. My birthday is right around the corner and I want my BBB...Banging Birthday Body. I have at least 15-20lbs to lose and I'm more than determined to make that happen. Since I can workout at my job for free, I'm going to take advantage of the classes and the facilities.

On the love front, J contacted me on Christmas Eve but of course I didn't reply. Meh. I have 3 crushes, one that I actually had a convo with but it's all in the beginning stages. I don't know if either one of them like me in the romantic sense, so I don't know at this point. But I'm confident that I'll meet that special person this year.

Till next time!

Thank you.

Well hello there!

I've been a little buzzy bee these past few weeks. Let's see:

* I'm kicking ass and taking names in school. I have my good and bad days in clinic but overall? I feel more comfortable as a future tech.
* J decided to rear his stupid head again. His attempt at being funny was an epic FAIL, that all I could do is laugh. As I've said before, his ass has been permanently blocked so whatever. It's funny that for a man who loved being in control and acting like a jackass at times can't handle it when the shoe is on the other foot.
*SCANDAL IS MY LIFE. I LIVE for Tony Goldwyn and Kerry Washington..LIVE for those two.
* I have a crush, but you know what? I'm not going to drive myself fucking nuts over it. Meh, if it happens, it happens.
* My family has been there for me while I go through this shit with the YMCA. I'm THISCLOSE to writing a letter to their corporate office about the treatment I'm receiving. I've never seen a branch run so.....terrible in my life.
* The saying: " When one door closes, another one opens" has never been so true. I'm not going to speak on it, all I can do is put it in God's hands and keep plowing forward.
* Xmas is almost here and I'm behind on making gifts. I have 4 more people to make stuff for and I'm HOPING that I'll be finish in time.

Ok, that's all for now.

Bye!

Well...That was weird

When you take control away from a man....apparently they lose their shit.

Since we last spoke, Mr. Jackass was sitting comfortably on my blocked list. Well, after not replying to his last lame ass text, he decided...HEY, let's text her again and not only insult her but show my ass as well. 

....and show his ass he did.

"Happy Thanksgiving! I know I've been a bad man...but don't be mad, I've only given you 2 or 3 STD's...no that was someone else...ok you can ignore me."

Who. The. Fuck. Say. Shit. Like. That?

I'm baffled and extremely amused at this turn of events. Here was a guy who, would ignore my texts, answer me when HE felt like it and dammit if it meant replying 3 days later, so be it. He was a dick at times, not above saying mean shit to me, and took pleasure in treating me like nothing more than an annoyance. To see this dickhead become desperate to the point of making a complete ASS of himself, tickles me. I guess he doesn't like the shoe on the other foot so much.

Oh. Well.

In other news, I'm still looking for work. I did get a job with an well known non for profit organization, but apparently, they're run by monkeys and completely botched my start date, so  as of right now, everything is up in the air. Which sucks, because that means I have to start looking for work again. 

In boy news, I have a crush. 

33 yr old doctor, super cute, BANGING BODY, lived in India and South Africa and is a gym member at the fitness club I work at. His voice? can't melt panties. The only downside is that he's going through a divorce and for right now, he's used goods. 

That doesn't mean I can't admire from afar!

oh well, till next time!

You are doing the most....

Friday:

6am: Gym
8am-4pm: Clinic rotations
5pm: Home to change
7:45-10:15- Crissy off the wall pole party
1:21am: Arrive home

Saturday:

Lay in bed until 11am
12:30pm: Leave for work
9pm: Get home from work

Sunday:

Clean Fridge
Do nails
Pack gym bag

Monday: BED
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

oh yeah, that happened too...

I was on a roll so I figured, why not another post?!?!?!

So this one is going to talk about love and loved, well I thought it was loved lost.

In a nutshell? I had a lover who I developed what *I* thought was feelings/love even. Our relationship wasn't normal by any means, frankly, he had a tendency to be a complete dickheaded assmuncher. Everything in my gut, in my spirit told me that I needed to let him go because if I wanted a meaningful relationship, I had to sever my ties with him. There were times where I decided that I was done with him and I didn't stay true to my word and went back. 

That changed this summer. 

Since I spent my entire summer in clinic, I had a lot of time on my hands since I didn't have to worry about studying and I was done on Fridays by 10am. You would think that this would lead to us spending more time together(in bed of course), but the opposite happened.

I. barely. saw. the. man.

Between the months of June to August, I saw him....3 times. Now, see I understood that he has a son and he spent most of his time with him. However, there was really no excuse for the lack of...you know. I guess he felt that because the sex was fucking great and that I stuck around for his bullshit, I would be a-ok with it.

Yeah, no, fucker. 

Little did he know, I was in the process of completely checking out of our "relationship". Not to take anything away from him as a lover, but if I was completely honest with myself, our "relationship" was good for awhile, but it was never meant to last. I don't know if it was because I wanted more, but I felt weighed down by our situation. Here was a guy, who on paper, was everything I wanted, but he had a mean streak that sometimes was directed towards me. He never hit me, but he had a way of putting me down verbally and saying hurtful things to me that showed me that he just didn't give a shit about my feelings. He wasn't a bad guy per se, but I needed a partner, a companion and I didn't need someone who couldn't even muster a ounce of emotion where I was concerned.  So I decided for one last time, to block him, to be done with him. 

The day I blocked him, I felt like the world was lifted off my shoulders. I felt hopeful, felt free. This whole time I've been in this situation with him, I've felt like I was holding myself back,  just waiting on him to realize he felt something for me. I realized that that kind of thinking, wasn't fair to me or fair to him. Dickhead or not, I shouldn't have placed expectations of him because we went into our situation understanding that it was purely physical and I couldn't flip the script just because I caught feelings.  I've never regretted blocking him, I knew for me, it was the right step in the right direction. I want something more than being some dude's bootycall, I want something substantial, with promise, something better. I deserve it.

Of course he contacted me recently, after being mia since August, but his ass is nice and comfy on my blocked phonelist, so there he will stay. Boy bye.

I was on OKCupid and for a bunch of "liberal/progressive" types, they are very "tribalistic" so no bueno. I deactivated my account, I don't have the time. At some point, I'll probably delete my account. 

I have days where I'm so hopeful and so sure that my 'someone' is right around the corner, and then there days like yesterday where I hear stories about great guys doing thoughtful things for their girlfriends and all I can think is: "when is it my turn?"

I know I have to be patient, have to hold onto faith, so that's what I'm going to do. In the meantime, I'm going to concentrate on school, my health, and getting out and enjoying life.

Till next time.

Ok, I'm done writing.