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Blogging hiatus...

I don't feel like sharing.
Some things are better kept to yourself.
This month has been a emotionally, spiritually, mentally challegning time.
I haven't even bothered to go into detail with %75 of what REALLY happened. The most people got was %25 of the pie.
I don't feel like involving everyone.
I don't feel like whining or bitching about my problems to anyone, I don't have the energy for that shit anymore.
2011 is going to be different.
My focus is going to be different. I'm promising myself to write in my journal at least once a day.
I want MY dreams to happen.
That's how I'm going to live my life from now on.
If I want you to know something, I'll tell you...trust
If not? then you're on your own holmes.
I'm on the right path.
Everything I've prayed for is coming to fruitation(except for a few minor/major things). So many doors are being opened to me, and for that I am eternally grateful.
I feel good about where I'm heading, I know I'm going to be alright.
Just have to be patient.

Scattered...

Frustrated.
Annoyed.
Scattered.
Hurt?
Pissed?
Just. off.

I'm frustrated and I don't know why. I'm not sinking into a depression(however, there is some self-loathing in there), but I'm just annoyed and flustered. Everything so far is fine, I'm getting back into shape(my sister and cousin both noticed that I'm losing weight), my bills are paid, I'm on track to save more than enough money for school, and so far, minus a few things here and there, I'm stable...or so I thought?

I think it's time for me to take a big ole break from everyone and just let this frustration shit pass.

Well that explains it...

Dear T,

On December 13, you will face a definite hurdle as Mars moves close to Pluto. Fortunately, if you act carefully, you can turn these challenging energies to your favor.

When the powerful forces of Mars and Pluto come together, they can leave you feeling dissatisfied, stuck in a rut, and longing for change and action. If you feel incapable of bringing about such change - a common feeling when Mars and Pluto come together - you may experience an uncommon amount of frustration. The flip side of this is that you'll also have some very strong influences working on your behalf ... if you choose follow their lead.

The combination of Mars, the planet of action, and Pluto, the most intense planet in the galaxy, can give you powerful focus and drive. This could be the perfect opportunity to complete a major task or achieve a long-sought goal - but you'll have to tread carefully because your irritation level will be high. Any interruptions to your work - especially petty ones - could potentially stir your anger. It's important to keep your cool under these circumstances, remembering that what you're feeling and experiencing is an astronomical alignment that will soon pass.

Also keep in mind that this partnership of Mars and Pluto will occur in Capricorn, where Mercury is making its retrograde motion. First, this means that if you focus your drive toward something related to Capricorn - money, business, etc. - you'll achieve more success. Second, it means that you will need to be very careful in your communication, as discussions could become heated! The best way to avert trouble is to simply avoid anyone likely to push your buttons - at least to the extent that you can.

Mars and Pluto will certainly bring out your more primitive emotions, but if you can rise above them and exercise a little patience, you can achieve incredible success!

Me.

right.

now.

so much to tell...

When I get the energy and clarity to post.

*slow blinks*

It was like he read my mind and my body...
Goodness, the man may not be my cup of tea, but GG just blows my mind every single time. We haven't seen each other in weeks...and we definitely made up for it...
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Slow down.

It's been some week.

We lost a family friend to cancer, I started my new hours and for the second time in 3 years, I've cried during pole class.

Anne was a close friend of my great-aunt who lost her battle with stomach cancer a week ago Thursday.

My great-aunt had escorted her back to Barbados so that she can live out the rest of her life surrounded by her kids and grandkids.

Her death was felt by me and my family since she lived in our building and my mom would cook dinner for her and juiced vegetables for her.

So the Sunday following her death, I went to class and acted like everything was normal...I was "fine"...and boy was I wrong.

I cried during the warm-up
During the moving meditation
And during my free dance

I just couldn't pretend anymore.

Sarah was right, once you walk through those doors, your armor is gone.

I wasn't done grieving just because I cried when I heard the news, I had to honor my feelings. I miss her and want her here with us, with everyone who loved her.

I'm still grieving.

In class today, my teacher made an observation that I needed to breathe, to exhale, because she felt I was in a rush to get my feelings out all at once during my dance.

She couldn't be more right.

I even noted to her that I felt I was rushing myself and in a way I was. I picked a song that didn't make me feel weepy and I put up a wall between myself, my feelings, and my will NOT to cry again.

I was blocking my emotions.

I'm going to honor my feelings, it doesn't do me any good.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile