Slow down.

It's been some week.

We lost a family friend to cancer, I started my new hours and for the second time in 3 years, I've cried during pole class.

Anne was a close friend of my great-aunt who lost her battle with stomach cancer a week ago Thursday.

My great-aunt had escorted her back to Barbados so that she can live out the rest of her life surrounded by her kids and grandkids.

Her death was felt by me and my family since she lived in our building and my mom would cook dinner for her and juiced vegetables for her.

So the Sunday following her death, I went to class and acted like everything was normal...I was "fine"...and boy was I wrong.

I cried during the warm-up
During the moving meditation
And during my free dance

I just couldn't pretend anymore.

Sarah was right, once you walk through those doors, your armor is gone.

I wasn't done grieving just because I cried when I heard the news, I had to honor my feelings. I miss her and want her here with us, with everyone who loved her.

I'm still grieving.

In class today, my teacher made an observation that I needed to breathe, to exhale, because she felt I was in a rush to get my feelings out all at once during my dance.

She couldn't be more right.

I even noted to her that I felt I was rushing myself and in a way I was. I picked a song that didn't make me feel weepy and I put up a wall between myself, my feelings, and my will NOT to cry again.

I was blocking my emotions.

I'm going to honor my feelings, it doesn't do me any good.
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