*sigh*

My father's 33 year old nephew died in sleep last week.
His funeral is Monday night and my father wants me to go.
and honestly?
I'm going to go but I REALLLY don't want to go.
Not because I'm evil or because I feel like being a bitch, but because I have no emotional connection to my father's side of the family. I don't even call my father's brothers my uncles, they're my father's brothers to me.
It's as simple as that.
I know it seems that I'm being incredibly selfish, but how can I be close to people has shown NO interest in me or my sisters?
Ugggg.
I can't complain to my mother about it because she'll be on my father's side.
I can't bitch about it to my sister because *she* already told my dad that she would go.

*sigh*

I'm going to go, not for them, but for my father.

fuck.

Sunday night review

a quick run down about my weekend:

Friday- boys arrived(ages 3 and 1)...no sleep

Saturday- could not sleep, went shopping, took a quick nap, barely ate, and went to a party

Sunday-got no sleep(got in at 3am and was up at 9 with the boys), barely ate, spent time with the boys until their parents came for them this afternoon, had Chinese food for dinner, and took a 4hour nap(which was sorely needed) and now I'm up and I'm not sure what to do with myself at the moment.

oh and I broke down and FINALLY brought myself a new coat and some cute rain boots.

I'm tired as hell, so I'll give a more detailed recap of my weekend tomorrow.

Good weekends are made of this......

I had a AMAZING weekend after a suckasstic week.

Let's count all the good stuff that happened:

1) We're officially going to Italy! After waiting on word from our hotel(they took forever to get back to our travel agent), we received confirmation from the hotel that they have us as confirmed for a room. Good thing I decided to start planning this trip super early.

2) My baby sister celebrated her 17th birthday this weekend! We treated her to a awesome dinner at Sazon in the city and we even had the waiters sing Happy Birthday to her in spanish and english! We had a blast!This morning our dad took us out to brunch for her bday and we ate to our heart's content(pancakes, home fries, and turkey bacon, yummy)

3) I got gold hoops!!!!!! My poor jewelry box has been lacking gold hoops for awhile but after a trip to Forever21, I was able to snag 3 pairs! Thank you Jesus!

4) I brought new nail polishes.

5) I finally cleaned my room and Coco's cage as well so he won't call the cops on me

6) I was able to get my sister xmas gift(skinny jeans, cute top, wrap sweater) for under $40.....yasss!

7) My team is still undefeated!

8) I'm having pancakes for dinner! This is my last week of crappy food. My ass reports back to kick boxing on Monday because I have 5 months to whip this ass into shape! I have two weddings and my trip to Italy coming up and I need to look fab! Let's get em Q!

9) I took my entrance exam for school, I *think* I did terrible, but frankly I don't give a fuck. I did the best I could, so I'm not going to sit here and lose sleep over this shit.

10) My sister is giving me her Diesel puffer coat since she's buying a new jacket, which is awesome for me because I won't have to worry about spending money on a new coat!

11) I had a AMAZING pole class.
Tonight's assignment was Gangsta Dame and your girl was allllllll Godfather chic! Too much fun as we got dressed up and showed out! and i finally did the jacknife, which is one of the hardest trick...ever.

So all in all a great weekend!

In the name of love?

How much would you put up with, in the name of love?

Why would stay if they cheated on you repeatedly?

Would you entertain a boy(I refuse to call him a man) who has shown no interest in your or your unborn child well-being?

Why would you, in the name of being the "bigger person" inquire and even offer assistance to a sick boy, who has not offered to accompany you to any of your doctor's appointments?

Someone who refuses to ask about his child you're carrying or to inquiry about the health of its mother, since he knows she's stressed?

Why would you, as a woman, text sexual innuendos to a boy who has shown you no respect, who you claim loves you(as if), who cheats on you, why would you sit there and tell me you can't help it?

Really?

Why would you waste your time on a man, in the name of "love", who told you that you two would be together if not for the fact you are pregnant with HIS child?

Where did we go wrong as women when this behavior is acceptable, where we lower ourselves just because we "love" someone.

I look at her and I feel bad for her because she has decided, that since she loves him, she must accept his behavior, she must fight to save a relationship that was ridden with infeldility for three years, fight to stay with someone who doesn't give a shit about his kid.

Sad.
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Big day tomorrow....

I'm taking my entrance exam tomorrow morning.

I feel good. I won't let my fear stop me. I know I can do this. I was meant to do this.

Its mine.
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I refuse....

I had a shitty Monday, so shitty that I refuse to talk about it here.

So we're going to talk about my brand of foolishness.

Like the time I washed my black skinny jeans, let them air dry and then decided to wear them with tights.....

I had the hardest time trying to put my pants on!

I damn near broke my fingers.

But did I care? No!

Did I care that I had trouble pulling up in my pants every time I went to the bathroom? No!

I looked cute that day, so it was worth it!

I'm......spechial....
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Revised Xmas list and what not.....

In talking with a friend of mine yesterday who was annoying me with her suggestions of what I should get people from Christmas(which part of I'm being cheap this year don't you fucking get?), I came up with some really good Christmas gifts for the people in my life.

Mom- My rich sister(lol) is buying our mom a new camera and she said that I can get a really good bundle that has a case, charger, and etc for under 30 bucks on Amazon!

Kid sis- I can get this kid a WHOLE outfit from Forever21 for under $40!!!!!!!!!! I'm talking jeans, top, fur vest(I'm soooo getting her this, she will love it!), jewelry and accessories to match!

Kat- I'm getting her a top and earrings from Forever21(this store is my friend)

The boys- same as before!

I'm so happy because I won't have to worry about shelling out big bucks this Xmas and I get to keep my sanity!

Now let's talk sex toys....

*disclaimer*

NSFP(Not Safe For Prudes)

Transitioning from Xmas to XXX.

Can we talk about the time my MOM found my fucking vibrator?????

Now if you don't know, I live with my mother and I'll be honest, its been a good experience. Yes, they(mom and sis) can annoy me, but I'm rarely home so it doesn't bother me as much.

And I'll keep it real, the only time when living at home can put a damper on my life is when I watch porn because that means I need to knock one off and the shower is the place of choice, and trust and believe, they always complain when I take "long showers".

Oh well folks.

So one day after watching some down home, knuckle dragging porn featuring Manuel(I love me some Manuel, hot damn!), I made my way to the shower for some um, extracurricular activities.

So I hid my slim vibe in my towel and placed my towel in my shower caddy since my mother and sis were both home and I didn't want to tip them off.

So on my way to the shower I placed my caddy on the couch because I left something in my room and went back to get it.

Big fucking mistake.

My mother, who was in the living room at the time, decided she was cold, so she TOOK my towel out of my caddy and covered her legs with it.

My vibrator was wrapped in the fucking towel!!!!!

When I stepped out of my room the first thing I noticed was my mother calmly watching TV while covered with my towel...

The next thing I noticed was my vibrator on the fucking couch....

In plain sight for me to see...

*screams*

Oh.My.God

I had a fucking freakout inside my head!

I calmly walked back into the living room and SAT in the vibrator and maneuvered it so I could slide it in my pocket without her noticing it.

It was pathetic, really.

I was seating like a whore in church.

So after sliding my vibe in my sweats pocket...

I headed to the bathroom, laughed my ass off and went about doing what I had to do.

I aint shit.

My mother never brought it up and I damn sure wasn't trying to broach the subject with her(I would die of mortification if she found my goodie bag.....) and after that, we went on living happily ever after.

The end.

:/

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Scrooge.....

With the holidays fast approaching, I feel my inner Scrooge rearing his ugly head.

I don't feel like buying any gifts this year.

:(

Its not that I don't love Christmas, I do, because I get to spend time with my family, its the gift giving bonaza that drives me up the wall.

I just started a new temp position and the assignment ends in Feb/March and between saving money for Italy and school, I don't want to go buckwild and spend money on gifts.

So my Christmas list is going to be small as fuck and if anyone gets pissy, they can kiss my ass.

So my Xmas list as follows:

Mom- gift card

Tat- this heffa bday is Dec 13 and my mom will bitch a fit if I combine her Christmas gift and her bday gift

Bryce- me and my sis are going half and half on Sketchers for his bday(Dec. 11th) and I'm getting him an action figure for Christmas

Chase- a Dora hardbook and a action figure(hopefully he won't bash his brother over the head with it)

Kat( my cousin/my personal hair stylist)- 40 gift card

Dad- big assss question mark(I got daddy issues)

And that's it!

Everyone else can kick rocks!
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Wooooza....

Feeling awesome today!

My application for school is complete
I'm super horny which let's me know I'm alive
My hair is buttah
My clothes are cute
And a bitch got a swagger in her walk.

Feeling gooooood.
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