It's been emotionally rough for me these past few months. I've gone through so many highs and lows, my head is spinning. I'm trying to pick myself up and move on. I still struggle with some things(IE making the first move while Internet dating and being scared of rejection), but I'm going to forge ahead, it's all I can do.
My meltdown, so to speak, was largely due to my negative feelings of self-worth and how I believe that I could never "measure up" to perfection(aka my cousin).
This whole "thing" with EB and GG really shed a light on my low self-esteem/self-worth issues. I always believed that I wasn't "good enough", wasn't "pretty/sexy enough", and that led to a lot of self-loathing that became the norm for me.
I've taken the step to hash this out in therapy because I want to be rid of my demons, of the the things that hold me back. I can never truly be whole, but I want to be healed at least.
In regards to EB, he was laid off from his job this past week so I probably won't see him again, which I think is a good thing. I believed having him around constantly reminded me that I wasn't the one he wanted, which in turn fed into my self- loathing. Today, I learned some news about EB and I was beginning to get mopey and cranky about the whole situation and Q guessed that I was self-sabotaging myself because I was in a happy mood today, so I stopped myself. She's right though, he isn't my problem so why let him, someone who is bringing NOTHING to my life, ruin my great day?
So I didn't, and I'm having a pretty good day.
In regards to my "situation" with GG.....I had some fears where he's concern..but... we cleared the air so to speak and now we're good.
So..I'm finding my way to happiness.
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